The Men Behind the Masks
by Serena Kenobi
Summary: What do Darth Vader and the Phantom of the Opera have in common? Well, we'll find out! Also starring Padme, Christine, Raoul, and ObiWan. POTO crossover.


The Men Behind The Masks

By Serena Kenobi

Summary: This really has no point to it whatsover... but I'm comparing the Phantom of the Opera and Darth Vader to see what they have in common. It's rather... pointless.

Disclaimer: Moi? Own Star Wars or the Phantom of the Opera?... Sadly... no.

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"Places, places," the director hissed, moving behind a camera. He then nodded to the hosts, who cleared their throats and walked out onto the stage, where the audience stood up and clapped.

"Thank you, everyone!" the first host said, brushing off his shirt, "And welcome to today's episode of 'Comparing Famous Men of Today.' I'm Bail Organa." Bail nodded to the crowd.

"And I'm Antoinette Giry," Madame Giry added in her French accent. "We have some very special guests with us today, and we will be discussing what they have in common."

"So," Bail went on, "We would like you to give a round of applause for our guest stars today: Lord Darth Vader of the Sith, and the Phantom of the Opera!"

There was a loud round of clapping as Darth Vader and the Phantom walked out in their normal attire and shook hands with the hosts. They then sat down in chairs while the hosts moved to behind a podium, getting ready to begin the show.

"Welcome," Bail said, "It's an honor to have you both here…" he glanced rather nervously at Vader.

"_Hooo-paaaahhh….hooooo-paaah…._" was all Vader said. Breathed, actually.

The Phantom only straightened his cape and glared at the audience.

Neither of them wanted to be there at that moment.

The hosts really didn't, either. But they didn't have a choice. "So, first," Madame Giry began, looking down at a card, "Gentleman, thank you for coming. Firstly, what are your real names?"

"You already know," the Phantom shot out sullenly.

Vader nodded. "You are not ignorant of my former name, Organa," he boomed, causing the audience to jump.

Madame Giry was unfazed. "Well, the audience does _not_ know, gentleman, so if you would be so kind as to INFORM us of your true identities?" Now she was the one glaring at them.

The two masked men shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.

"Uh… Erik Destler," the Phantom muttered, looking down at his feet.

"Anakin Skywalker," Vader admitted, fidgeting with his gloves.

Madame Giry nodded. "Very well. So, the first thing you have in common is that you both forsook your real names and never used them after you became what you are now… is that right?"

The two men nodded.

"Ah," Bail said, looking at his card. "The second thing you both have in common is that you both wear masks..."

"And gloves," Erik added.

"And long black capes," Vader put in helpfully.

Bail eyed them angrily. "Well, yes, that too," he replied stiffly, annoyed at being interrupted.

"And you both were in love and got your hearts broken," Madame Giry piped up, earning an evil glare from Bail. "As a matter of fact, let's bring out their lovers… shall we?"

The audience clapped again as Christine Daae and Padmé Amidala, much to the astonishment of both Vader and Erik, walked out gracefully onto the stage and sat down in chairs facing the audience, with Vader and Erik on their right, the hosts on their left.

"Welcome ladies," Bail said pleasantly, trying to cool his anger. "We are so happy you could be here with us today."

"It's a pleasure," Padmé nodded.

"Indeed," Christine added, folding her hands over her lap.

Erik and Vader gaped. "Wha… what are you doing here!" they both said unanimously.

"Gentlemen!" Madame Giry snapped, rapping her card on the desk. They shut up immediately. "Let us begin with the next round of similarities. Both of your lovers, gentlemen, have brown eyes, long, beautiful curly brown hair, they're both (cough) weak (cough), and… they both broke your hearts, correct?"

Padmé raised an eyebrow. "The only difference is, I didn't cheat on my husband, and Chris here never married Erik. Oh, and I didn't go and run off with some.. ahem…" she sideways glanced at Christine. "Fop."

Erik leapt up and punched the air, glad that someone had finally seen it his way.

Christine glared at Padmé and said, "Don't you dare call Raoul that! He is no fop! He's a wonderfully handsome and charming young man. And at least he doesn't stalk me like Mr. Mentally Unstable here!"

At that statement, Erik drew out a Punjab lasso, ready to choke someone.

"Oh, and you both love to choke people," Bail added casually.

Madame Giry said, "And have major mental issues."

Meanwhile, the girls were still arguing. "But I didn't cheat on my husband!" Padmé shouted angrily.

"Yeah well your husband wasn't a psychopathic freak show!" Christine shrieked.

"You think you got it bad?" Padmé yelled, "My husband choked me, and get this, knowing that I was pregnant! With twins!"

Both Vader and Erik covered their faces in shame as the audience let out a collective "Oooohhh…."

"Ladies, ladies!" Bail said, desperately trying to gain control of the situation before Vader decided to choke him, "Let's settle down now, shall we?"

The two women humphed and plumped back down into their seats.

Bail continued, clearing his throat again. "Now, for our final guests this evening," he said, "The two men whom Vader and Erik claim to have stolen their loves: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Raoul De Chagny!"

The audience politely clapped, but not as enthusiastically as before, as the two men came out. Obi-Wan looked very glum, but Raoul smiled charmingly and waved to everyone.

"Ah, my dear, you look ravishing!" he declared to Christine, who blushed and giggled.

Erik was on the verge of murdering him.

Obi-Wan's approach was very different. "Senator," he nodded formally, before sitting down next to Raoul and looking very bored.

"He's just trying to fool me into thinking he didn't cheat with Padmé, that's all," Vader fumed.

"Must… kill… fruitcake…." Erik gasped, going all red in the face.

"I'm bored," Obi-Wan announced.

Bail cleared his throat, causing Madame Giry to give him an annoyed glare. "Thank you for coming, gentlemen," he said to Raoul and Obi-Wan. "And now, one of the final questions today. Did you or did you not fall in love with Christine and Padmé?"

"Of course!" Raoul answered brightly.

"I haven't the faintest idea of what you're talking about," Obi-Wan snapped, "I'm in love with her handmaiden, Sabé…" Suddenly he reddened. "Uh… what I mean to say is…"

"HALLLELUJAH!" Vader shouted, jumping up into the air.

Mace Windu and Yoda ran, or hovered, onto the stage, looking very angry with Obi-Wan. "JEDI AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE IN LOVE!" Mace shouted.

"Obi-Wan, disappointed in you, I am," Yoda chastised him.

Obi-Wan gaped. "But… but.. HE'S in love, too!" He cried, pointing to Vader.

"A Sith he is, follow our rules he doesn't," Yoda retorted snappishly.

At that point everything went haywire. Everyone was arguing with each other about something or other, and the audience, though lovers of drama, were a bit taken aback.

Bail, trying to be the hero, tried to sort everything out, but didn't succeed. Madame Giry suddenly whisked out her megaphone and shouted, "QUIET!"

Everyone shut up to look at her.

"SIT down," she hissed furiously, pointing to the chairs. "I will not have this display in front of the public. I'm ashamed of all of you!"

"Uh.. me too!" Bail weakly added in.

Madame Giry whacked him on the head, which made him pass out dead away on the floor. Madame Giry then turned to the camera, saying, "Well, I'm afraid we have run out of time, ladies and gentlemen! I hope you have enjoyed comparing the Phantom of the Opera and Darth Vader. Join us next time as we compare Captain Han Solo and Monsieur Firmin. Thank you and have a good night!"

That night, Padmé went home with Vader, and Obi-Wan was dragged by his boots back to the Jedi temple, where he spent the next few months cleaning the floors.

Christine got angry at Raoul because he gave her a lousy engagement ring and sappily proposed to her in front of everyone, which made her embarrassed. She ended up leaving with Erik.

Bail Organa decided to leave the show business and return to his senatorial duties, where he felt that he would get much more attention. His co-host, Madame Giry, continued to stay on the show, which was eventually turned into "Ballerinas For Life", a show all about how to become a ballerina or dancer.

So, what do the Phantom and Vader have in common?...

Nearly everything.

And the moral of this story?

Don't go declaring that you're in love if you're on a public TV show and are a Jedi.

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That was just a random thing I felt like writing. It really has no point to it at all... but please drop a review and tell me what you think! Only no flamers, I will not tolerate them!  



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